Faith & Love - The Modern Struggle of Desi Land

 

Disclaimer : Sensitive topic , written with an unbiased mind in the best interests of maintaining peace on the human race as a whole beyond all identities.  

The Unrecognizable Knot of Love

Some of us find peace through Fire. Some through the cross and some through the Lord over the Serpent and some through the unseen superpower.  Some of us don't bother to look at all - the non-believers. The phrase "human race"  has developed such a  distance between each other, that it has become a challenge to give a definition to it without hurting the sentiments of at least one faction. What is even the Human race in today's context?.  Everyone's developing a formula for themselves, identities are multiplying, thanks to the abuse of the homo sapiens in a bid to 'choose for themselves'.  Among this hullabaloo there is a crowd in every place, that yearns for mass peace with a desire to make us see the common thread within all of us, a crowd that keeps hoping that no matter how much disintegration happens in man,  nothing becomes imperious enough to destroy love between each other. Love.  Again,  a word that has morphed so much that it' is being used to convey a strong liking towards both good and bad. Love used to be associated with the simple things in life. These days,  love is thrown out like a pigeon feed to pigeons. Aimless, reckless and without direction. "I love kayaking, I love cooking, I love dancing, I love video games, I love watching horror series... " and so on to a stage, today when some of us shouting slogans like "I love my religion, I Love the followers of my religion only, I love the people of my country only, I love protecting my people". Welcome to today's world where the knot between Love and Religion has fused to such an unrecognizable state that it is hate that binds more than love , all in the name of love.

Can't we not handle Being an Indian?

In a Country like India, a place that generously houses a conglomeration of faiths, languages, races, colors and the like, it is a challenge to sharpen and direct who we choose to love. From callow teens and some semi-grown young adults who misinterpret 'comfortable friendship' to be love and end up hurting each other , to consenting adults we can't really plan who we are going to fall in love with. Let's not even go to the part where some don't spare a thought about anything and bed anyone without a commitment. Everyone has access to every place , with all respect to boundaries established in the name of religion, community, language etc and we can't help but have an exposure to all kinds of people in this country. That being said, there lies a fear among the purists, who feel if they share their timelines with someone 'different', they might lose their identity and that their own chosen/ bestowed Brand of who they are might be at risk.  Some, manage to preserve their identity, and hang out with everyone with ease as their own morals are clear in their mind. They don't get influenced by their audience and they intelligently mix keeping their internal design intact. Then there is a crowd that neither has a well formed internal understanding, nor a maturity to be among different people and make impulsive decisions out of inexperience and for the heck of it. So, are we to blame to live in a place like ours ? Should we blame the Land as a whole for being generous enough to accommodate all of us or should we side with those who want a piece for themselves just to be with their own folks which disturbs the entire house ? Are we intelligent enough to feel Indian at heart?

Does Faith influence Love ?

In a place where preserving family structure is an important ethic, children can't just like that make choices without the yay or nay from their parents. Parents here assume the role of 'Responsibility unto death'  mantra and those who respect the love and dedication of their parents, having lived under their roof can't afford to make choices without due discretion. In extreme cases, there is eloping, after periods of open confrontation and in worst cases there is suicide,  when the choice made is not approved. So,  are we to assume we always need the blessing of the parents giving up our own pull of desire or are we right to cut ourselves off from the Family setup when we select something not compatible with the home team? Is there not a scope for a middle ground? This strong pull done in the name of love by both the children and the parents,  ultimately challenges their existing camaraderie and bombs the aura of the house eventually. Are we to respect the sentiments of the community and faith we are born and never pick a person from a different team , or are we to mix and breed at will without a plan, just because it is fun, exhilarating and dramatic ? 

One needs to investigate, if the fact that loving someone from a different faith makes it more "forbidden" thereby fueling our inner senses to go past boundaries and enjoy the shock ? What in first place influences to declare Love on someone from different faith? Is that even love or a miscalculated vehement display of self will? Let me clarify here, I am not against marrying or loving someone from a different faith. I am trying to draw attention to this selection process. How much thinking we put into choosing who we partner with?  Love leads to marriage, marriage leads to children and children are the future - how do you decide how to culturally guide your children if there are differences on the foundation itself among the couple ? Who among the two is willing to compromise the tenets of their own faith ? Or Are you going to raise a culturally deficit and religiously ambiguous child in this morally corrupted society ?  We can't just select someone without a plan. In our journey towards falling in love with someone from a different faith, both of them have a responsibility to think of the road ahead. The fact that, we live in a desi setup such as ours is proof enough for us to be cognizant of the ramifications of our choices on our families and society from within.  If the couple understand that their relationship maturely morphed transcending their differences, they must choreograph a path to prepare their families and themselves to make their own life peaceful. You can't just pluck an apple from the neighbor's garden and not expect a friction from both your house and the owner of the other garden.  

Some of you might wonder, that in the beginning I told " we can't plan love- it just happens" and here I am professing " Logic before falling in Love" . Let me straighten it out for you.  Love "happens" indeed, but it happens over a period of time. This period of time is when we must be cautious enough to apply our intellect to see if we can keep this going, or gently stem it. It is not overnight, like you just meet a person and Plop! . You fall in love. We exchange words, actions, gifts, we develop memories, somewhere in this journey, we must understand whether the soil on which this Love began to germinate was well layered. We can't expect our parents to explicitly teach us from childhood to not fall in love with someone from a different faith.  It is up to ourselves to understand how to carry ourselves. Living in a country such as ours with so many identity clusters, we can't be aloof in making our choices. So many deaths , done in the name of Love.  This is just wrong, immoral and unacceptable.  At this rate, India can't handle it's increasing demand for harboring everyone's identity interests and we will end up tearing out the country to pieces, which was so meticulously stitched by so many leaders across ages who managed to look past their own differences keeping in mind the Country's overall Welfare.   

Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam - The World is one family

If animals can and still respect the process of mating,  we as humans definitely can make intelligent choices if our ideals are clear.  Respect where you came from, understand your own impulses,  feed your own wants,  but not at the extent of singularly attending only to your own wants. We live in a society where everyone's choice influences everyone.  So, be respectful of the unity among this diversity, be aware of what and how we can mix, do it with grace, but never ever forget the Love that forms the substratum within all of us. We can't afford to be cancerous to our own (human) race. Earth needs us , as much as it needs the flora and the fauna. Let us grow and evolve as a race intelligently and give up all hatred, ignominy, foolishness and simply hold hands with an equipoised mind. 

The Dancing Waistline Drama of a Foodie

 

Ever since I came into this world, my mom recognized, she will be busy in the kitchen. Because this baby , that just got delivered showed a great appreciation for food, taste and embraced pampering it's taste buds.

           

I was a C- section baby, and had a above average sized melon head. I heard stories of how I used to sometimes allow myself to be fed beyond capacity and end up puking all over myself in my baby mattress, clearly indicating the excitement mismatch towards food between my body and my free willed mind. Ironically, this sense of appreciating food, with all it's flavors, aroma and varied nutrient profiles has stuck with me and I have always maintained a generous physique.  Sometimes, when I saw these thin faced friends of mine, I used to wonder if I did a Fish face for 15 minutes followed by frantic mouth breathing everyday, I might chisel my face but the wiser me tossed this idea into the dustbin as my mind quickly directed the nose to pick up a smell from the Kitchen. Welcome to the Dancing circus of a Foodie's World.

      

It was a Friday morning of a long weekend and the blithe mood kicked in, conveniently pushing my work motivation step by step behind.  I made a well rehearsed walk towards the kitchen to see my mama bear soaking colocasia , locally known as "seppakizhangu" in water. That moment, my brain ejaculated a dose of endorphins, the excitement levels soaring to such an extent because of the fact that I am gonna have a nice roast fry for lunch prompting me to reach for the Snacks box and murder an oreo biscuit. I ruthlessly spread the biscuit wide open, licked the cream like a lion gulping deer blood and my molars punching the biscuit with great personal urge. The moment the biscuit vanished, the 'other' me, smacked in the head admonishing for my undisciplined snacking and I went to the spice box to grab some cumin seeds and ginger to aid in it's digestion, so that my body doesn't sleep with these calories.  See, that's the thing with people who romance food. We exactly know what food makes us happy and when. We also come prepared with a manual to ameliorate the guilt that shoots up during such food rushes. Like for example, when I used to suck in my stomach after gorging on some fine restaurant treat in an effort to remind the stomach to stay by it's waistline boundary.

A whole lot happens behind the scenes people. I came to the desk for igniting my work and was half an hour into it seriously with no distractions. When again, I got reminded of what's for lunch and sent an email originally scheduled to be sent at evening in that sudden flash of joy. And the email subject ? "Tasks Done today". And my boss in good humor messages me in 5 minutes , saying he wasn't aware I had flown to Australia, where it was evening and I had already completed the tasks for the day. I was quick to dodge his banter with the cliched "wrong tap of fingers" excuse , only to receive an email from him , declaring the tasks for the day.  

It was a festive occasion, the time of Diwali, when my neighbor lady knocked the door around 1.00pm and as though I had X-Ray vision, I knew she was bringing the snacks she had prepared for her house. I gently put myself in away status in my office chat,  made a nonchalant walk across the hall as if I didn't show any interest in what she brought but ogling at the plate she was holding when I suddenly heard my mom say the most shocking thing, making me abruptly stop. She goes "Oh, why did you bring this much, why did you take this much strain and giving this much"... I veered my body towards my mom, placing one hand on her shoulder and another hand on her back gently pinching her like an ant bite , a silent way of disciplining her for the irresponsible statement she just made. She gathered herself to not give away the trash behavior of her melon head son and accepted the plate, only to return some sweets and snacks from our house as a courtesy.  I knew, the moment the door closed, there was going to be a "conversation" between mama bear and myself and I braced myself. She closes and goes "Why do you behave as though I starve you for food and you haven't eaten delicious food for years" . I just made a face at her to divide the snacks between me and her. 

You see, I have had a prolonged battle with my elder sister in my growing up years, when we both had to share food, from cream biscuits to homemade snacks to pizzas and foreign chocolates. It's one of the sick reasons I am happy that she got married away that I can have all the food by myself, even as she was begging her darling daughter to have her cup of milk. I just don't stop there. I take a picture of something nice, make a gif of myself eating and send it to her with a kissing smiley. She then will send me a meme as shown here. The delight , in doing this can only be experienced. 

Food gives a rush that is unparalleled. I am a veggie , and I make sure I get to eat all those things that are in the boundaries of my palate to a level I can say "Tried there, Eaten That". There is always a phase in my life when I suddenly realize that I had crossed my "previous worst weight number" , only to summon my folks telling them the "plan". The plan will be a very simple predictable plot. Fruits for dinner and minimal food on the plate with 0 sugar and lesser quantity of curd.  Sometimes, I throw in some green tea, some herbal decoctions like cinnamon honey lukewarm water in the mornings. But not a flesh in my body, ready to move a muscle in the form of exercise. Previously, before the pandemic, I used to go for long solitary walks and had a religious control over what goes in. These days, when stepping out is such a big deal, I have no motivation to sweat when there is so much good food coming and going. 

                                                    

I get this overpowering inner voice that demands justice for my taste buds with arguments like "Dude, you are at an age when you can even digest a stone, Dude, don't act miser, Show your gratefulness to god by tasting the food he provides". These voices are so convincing. As much convincing as the aroma that now came from the kitchen around 4.00 evening when mama bear was melting the butter to extract ghee. Our family started from humble tidings and we are wired to make the best use of things and never splurge or waste when in excess. So, I have been trained like a bomb squad dog, to expect a sweet which she does, whenever she extracts ghee. The black condensed ghee, that remains after the butter melts ,is mixed with wheat flour and jaggery powder and palm pressed into small balls for an after meal snack.  It usually comes to around 5-6 balls which are conveniently placed on my work table beside the plastic box full of cumin seeds for the post indulge guilt. 

                                                       

 The Evening Plot...

I get high with delectable food. A Food High person. See I might not be famous, but I have so much going on between the confines of this house and my own mind-body communication , that are good enough to be captured on celluloid and short films. Evening slowly wades through, as it's time for a cup of filter coffee when the insatiable spirit in me broadcasts a shameless message from my room to my manufacturer asking what's for dinner.  She got used to my adorable requests, though I have often been warned to be careful and not let loose. I am naturally a disciplined guy but I am not really in the most justified character when it comes to sharing food or going on diets. My Dad usually puts some divine songs and satsangs on TV to acknowledge the auspiciousness of the evening when that particular day, ironically he kept a show where there as a commentary from the essences of the Bhagawad Gita. My ears spread between the official call I was attending and the talk on the TV. When suddenly, the speaker reminds one of the core truths of the Gita, about how we are not just the body, and we should not over indulge in sense pleasures as it's a never ending desire whirlpool and these sense pleasures range from lust, envy and gluttony , or eating to satisfy a body that is only meant to exist for a maximum of 100 years. Boy, that touched a chip on my shoulder, when I suddenly kept the headphones on the table to storm into the kitchen to take an oath to my mom that I will have only 4 dosas ( a south indian delicacy, made from rice flour, cooked over a heated pan and oil). She looked at me like a gun that was about to be reloaded when I quickly came back to my room with a head held with pride at my self control.  I had 5 dosas that day for dinner as she had made Capsicum Chutney . Pray for me. Or atleast, don't invite me for treats or eat outs if you don't have a backup fitness plan for me , if you really loved me. 

I think many out there share my sentiments about food, but at the end of the day, Boy. The Brain that is drugged after having some Sweetened Jaggery Rice with melted ghee, cashew nuts and raisins with Deep fried Vadas gives a joy, a reason why still Anna Danam or Food donation is considered the best form of Charity. If you want to help a person, a needy, give them good food , for they will Bless you from the bottom of their heart and soul as you share the joy of good food.

Peace !

Are you the Clueless Work Santa ?

 

Welcome to the world of tapping fingers and silent conversations. The current pandemic has deftly demanded an impartial redefinition of sorts in every single business that is in action today. People who once rode the Successful wave, are enthusiastically thinking how to keep riding the wave, as the basic truth as hit us all plain as day - The waters may not always be there, the waves may not always dance . Either the waters may freeze or they may cease to exist. Earlier, driving a successful ship required us to be aware of the capricious nature of the ocean, it taught us to learn the art of maneuvering giant tides , it taught us to not sink to the bottom, it taught us the use of our masts to adjust according to the will of the winds. But, did we ever prepare for a time when there was no water ? Or when the water froze and no possible movement can be achieved by a previously successful running ship? Is it a smart decision to wait for the waters to come, so that we can begin sailing like before, or should we morph into a semi bus-ship that can keep moving , water or not ? On that premise, join me , in this mental sojourn of rethinking the game of surviving the tides , in a time when all of us are holding on to our talent cushions to assure us of our existence. Here is a way ahead , for those who identify themselves with the "Clueless Santa" title.

Who is this Clueless Santa ?

Santa gives gifts. So, basically a Do-Gooder. Someone, who is good at their job. Someone, who communicates well, does nothing but spread goodwill, doesn't gossip, wishes the best for everyone around, prays for their own progress, Does the job assigned and honors the law of the land. Now, you must be wondering, can this kind of a personality be any better and isn't he/she the template candidate for success ? If you find yourself in this position, where, you , by your personal assessment, always feel you should be rewarded for your mere presence, your work and everything about you, but you don't seem to be moving at the pace a few others are sprinting in their career, you better pause and ponder.All of those qualities, over the years have become default expectations. As the defaulters reduced and prudent entrepreneurial thinkers have grown, one can no longer bask in the hopes of a high tide, just being a good Santa. Here is a list of questions, that you can ask yourself, to begin this self evaluation. Who knows, when you honestly answer these, you might develop a whole new perspective of yourself and re-game towards becoming a better professional !

In all honesty --> Ask and Answer yourselves :

• What are your finest qualities, that define that how much of a success material you think you are. Are you very good at what you do? Are you average but you are able to groom yourself with some push ? or you are just lucky and nonchalant ?
• Have you assessed opportunities where you can replay these strengths of yours to constantly be in the game?
• What are the occasions when you did a good job and it was recognized and how often does it repeat ?
• What was the motivation behind this incident - can you tap into this motivation in all contexts, everywhere you go ?
• Do you find others doing the same good things that you do. More, plainly, are you the common talent?
• Do you find people with the same potential, but more successful than you ? or , Everyone is fighting to break the same pattern ? Have you been smart enough to identify and associate yourself with such people who have made a success of themselves, with the same ingredients you possess ?
• What are the occasions when you wished something was not given to you, because of your alleged fear of not performing that task well with/without external aid? What are your "fear zones" ?
• What are the available resources to equip yourselves to come out of those fears? What help is available for you right away to fix those "fear zones" ?
• How have you handled unfair criticism or a shallow feedback that was given to you? Did you stop to analyze, why someone gave a suggestion, which you don't relate to? Why did someone fail to read your strengths - weren't you visible enough?
• Have you groomed yourself to be visible enough to those around, without sounding desperate and bragging ? Do you know people who expose themselves, just the right way, in such a way they get recognized but don't get branded as narcissists ?
• Have you ever stopped what you were doing and bothered to ask what's going on with others, bravely without appearing nosy and gossipy ? (This is a trademark trait in those, who honor personal spaces and avoid gossip, but miss out on updates and latest information because of their fear being misjudged to be a buck-buck person)
• Have you consciously ever asked someone, if you efforts are helping the larger cause, or are you just another working valve in the system that can be replaced?
• Have you voluntarily asked for newer work or you are just sitting tight, waiting for a command , in an effort to not come out of your comfort zone and dig yourself a pit unnecessarily?
• Have you ever helped someone and didn't claim credit, or praise but rather, brim in your own self pride but at the same time have the satisfaction of having helped someone without being a douche?
• Have you ever stood up for yourself, and cleared the air, when you pick up signals that you or your work is being misread, misrepresented or misused ? Did you defend yourself without burning the house down, but simply saved your space ?
• Have you assessed your strengths and check periodically, if the list is stagnant or increasing? No one wants a "one good song cassette". We need more and more good tracks , for a repeat and larger audience!
• Have you ignored your concern areas, in an effort to not fix something until it comes up as a problem? How many pain points have you identified like these, that are latent now, just because it's not a problem yet?
• Have you ever asked for a boost, a praise , a recognition, an acknowledgement, fearlessly ( an euphemistic way of saying shamelessly, but you get the idea : ) ) ? Have you ever sold yourself without feeling inadequate?
• Have you ever asked for help, when you needed it without fearing you might appear weak?
• Do you catch yourself speaking out of turn or raising hands all the time to get noticed , or you find yourself confidently and gauging the right moment to stand up for action ?
• Have you ever asked any of the above questions, answered them honestly, made an effort to fix the pain points, retain and multiply the positive ones and share with others who are also looking for some assistance ?

Now this is where I stop.

Do such mental shakeups, periodically and don't wait for someone to do it for you, thereby giving someone an ammo to cite reasons to make you sit, when you yourself can clean your house and open and close the doors at your will. The more you expedite such kind of assessment and analysis to others, the more others gain impetus to control your movements. It doesn't matter how good you are, the real question is , Does it matter anymore? What else can you do? How well you can reorient yourself towards the limelight? How many self-corrections have you done on yourself without being prompted by others, even when the going was good?

What next !

If by now, you have become restless, it is a success of this piece. T's good. Don't be sitting and smiling all the time, when you have the power to Dance with Joy. Ask yourselves these questions and more, and jerk yourselves out of your positions to see where it has rusted and requires oiling and replacing. In this time of pandemic, when the going gets tough, it is up to us to fix ourselves, build ourselves and those around us, because, you don't want to be the king of a loser crowd. You should care about the winnings of others as well, otherwise, the prize money doesn't go up for no one. Outsmart yourself, outstand yourself, outwit yourself, and spread the Magic all around. Help each other, with your voluntary feedback, inputs, aid everyone around you to save themselves.

We need to bounce back, and bounce back together !

The Silent Musical of the Stained Bed sheets [ Rated R ]

 

You guessed it right . As we climb the undefeated ladder of Aging , somewhere we think about this unprompted. 

Over the years, gaining trust and building the energy to love a person warrants different inputs for each person. A person who was starved for recognition might melt at their first genuine compliment from a person they care about. Someone , who had a tough time making ends meet will break when someone lends funds with no strings attached , because of their intimate awareness of the struggle to fill their wallets. Sometimes, the little hiccups dominate the many happy moments spent with a person . The fickle human mind chooses it's own selection of memories about the experiences you have with a person , and it is destiny that determines the course of relationship between the two people.

But what can you say about a person , who has no clue, who or what the other person is, and they have to be real sharp to start assessing the many layers of a person based on scarce inputs. On what premise can a man and a woman understand each other , when they meet for the first time , and the first window of meeting happens to be the bed. Read on, to see how we can explore this subject that will get us thinking and reevaluating our behavior towards women, relationships and life in general. 

Go-ahead, swallow that lump in your throat, because we are going to dive in to the silent caves that are honored more if there have been no breach, the cave that rolls out the red carpet acknowledging its very first visitor.  

It had been a long day, as the couple stood like living mannequins, smiling and gleaming at everyone who stopped to vomit the well rehearsed wishes they were memorizing to wish the newly married love birds. The sun hung it's time card as the moon slowly elevated up the clouds, setting the mood for the many hungry souls that were eagerly waiting for its arrival. In a way, the moon stands like a symbol of approval for engaging in some activities, without guilt, even as the bride shot a mischievous but anxious look at her guy . He was smiling by the face but simultaneously taming many random thoughts in his heart. The time was approaching , and while the whole world around them began to start thinking about their own plans for the night and the day that followed, the bride and groom shut the others out of their minds, trying to read each other's motives, motions and mannerisms, in a valiant effort to not be the one who dimmed the passionate glow that was about to be lit. It was a matter of time, when their minds , that already shut the world, commanded the hands to shut the locks on the door, as the much awaited privacy presented itself to them giving the silence they so ached for. The waves of emotions clashed against the rocks of intellect, as the man , tries to divert his thoughts away from the fear of not getting the red carpet welcome he was hoping for. 

There is no looking back, once the journey had begun , as once the train left the station, it has to go through its tracks , make the right stops  and arrive at the destination on time. Even as the driver steers the train through the dark tunnels hoping to not run over any straying animal, in a valiant effort to assure the passengers of a smooth journey. He doesn't stop, before the destination is reached, and he only gets to know if the journey was good, once the passengers leave the next day.

Virginity. The unspoken contract, that was left unsigned, for a reason. Too many signatures make any contract less special. But, an unsigned contract on the other hand, waits, for the right person to be OK with the terms and claim ownership, even as the contract was sealed with a signature of the red ink, when it was signed for the very first time.  Indeed, a woman's majesty can be deduced from many of her attributes, but this one, continues to assume hegemony over a long list of approved traits of a Quality woman. In a way, human conduct , the way it is now, has been prescribed by nature like this for a reason. If humans began to live like animals, one can reflect on how much torture the Earth has to undergo for the unrestricted expeditions of its inhabitants. No matter what the academic records & payslips speak, no matter how pretty or uninteresting physically a woman might be, one of the ultimate yardsticks of sizing up the authenticity, of a woman goes by her ability to not encourage visitors without a purpose. 

The Many Scenarios testing the Mettle of a Lady..

Young unadvised girls of charming age, unable to read their physical symptoms, give-in to luring wily temptations of the mind, in a hasty effort to get the experience, not realizing that, the time is not due. There are some, who, unfortunately, fail to read the person signing their contract, and end up losing their unsigned status after the damage has been done, when they realize the person was just there for reading the terms but not accepting the full contract. The painful failures of Love, wasted on the wrong person. There are some , who don't care about the color of ink, the intent of the person signing the contract, as they enjoy being scribbled all over with no meaningful purpose. There are occasions when intense physical activity might injure and cause injury. And there are those who were simply exploited by ruthless dimwits in the form of men, who by their absolute bad conduct, loss of sanity impose themselves on an unwilling woman. What can be even said on these women.  So, it all comes down to the honest affirmation of the lady herself on her status quo - not that she has to explain herself, but who else will ever know?  Why all this drama . Does it really matter ? How can it single-handedly supersede all the  other factors in determining the White flag Elite status of Womanhood? 

Simply put, it does matter.  Not everything needs to be an outcome of the tenets of religion ,spirituality or a line in a book. Some systems continue to be passed-on pearls of human wisdom, that need no explanation, but still continue to be relevant across ages. If anyone can do anything, the whole theory of 'survival of the fittest' fails. Why is someone stronger, some weaker,  some bright, some ignorant? Because, the evolution of the human species, comes by gaining and losing attributes as every batch of humanity wrestles with each other , rubbing against each other to get the shine at the end. If anyone can walk in and whip their will at a woman, the very fact that a woman is needed will eventually fail. It needs to be a goal with a prize. One needs to work to achieve it. Otherwise, all that is required is a pumpkin with a hole or a plastic filled with helium. Things earned through effort bear highest significance, as the human mind dismisses easily attained things of cheap value. Saving yourself for the one and only is like reserving one of the intimate aspects of yourself for the most appropriate occasion.  That choice is the sole responsibility of the lady.  Just like  a rainbow coming only after a sunlight after showers, repeat rainbows don't grab eyes,  lost innocence defeats the purpose of making a person feel special, if you yourself don't feel like reserving yourself for your partner, what else to say. On the same way, it is also mandate that every man owns up to his actions and not poach the elephant just because it alone has the tusks and he can make a fortune out of it. When animals that mate only for the purpose of survival ensure exclusivity, what's to say about the human race ? And when animals honor the code and boundaries of the female, is that not applicable for humans as well ?

            Maintaining Sanctity - A Joint Responsibility of Men & Women

Every time, a woman feels the pressure to loosen the latch on the door, she must be prepared for the wolves to enter. I am not hinting that, the wolves can continue to be who they are - they should be rightfully tamed and shown their place.  But the person owning something has the responsibility of protecting it, not the mindless thief because he is there just for the booty. Read that line in the right sense - even a mother crocodile guards her eggs against predators - it doesn't mean that the predators are justified, but it's simply the responsibility of the mother.   If, the lady behind doors first peeks through the window, to assess who is calling at her, whether they are here to really visit and stay or simply knock and run, the jewels in her locker will be safe. Being human doesn't just limit to the ability to show and receive love, but sometimes, it is the ability to control the flow, limit what goes in and out. From the way the recipients of her love see it, they feel prized, honored to have been hand picked for her.  

A rational woman might wonder, what am I to gain out of all this. If I can be happy, why not unabashedly experience at every chance.  The answer is simple. Only if the woman feels exclusive about herself, she can be available exclusively for her partner. It is not about who is making the sacrifice first, it is about,  why you are sacrificing and what you get in return. Biologically, the physical anatomy doesn't support beyond a limit, emotionally, the spark reduces if it sees no intelligent cause behind it, like how a person in coma feels when they are unclothed for a bed bath. They lose their sense of worth. But if one practices restraint, the silent musical continues, for as long the two minds involved in playing the music see an intelligent cause in their music. Otherwise, its just a lame circus,  like when a monkey dashes a coconut on ground with no glamour or reason. So, we need to be the judge of our own decisions. When the values are clear, decision making is easy. Some ethics are best said, when its implied and not entirely explicit.

This is a subtle wisdom that seeps through ages , from the well lived lives of much more fertile mothers ahead of us, who managed to head large families in a patriarchal society of the past. If a woman's feminine sanctity being explicitly pushed to be declared as a Dictum , a rule, the very fact that it is no longer an implicit ethic grosses out the subtlety involved in preserving it's significance. All this being said, as much a woman , the man needs to exercise ethics, conduct and manners as well , as it is highly unfair to put the full onus on the woman.  The bank might house millions, the thieves in first place should not exist, but if the bank keeps a revolving door, instead of an iron locked one, consequences are dire. It's a 2 way street. But, one must ponder, who incurs more damage - the bank or the thief ? So ladies, for as long as you can, guard your door . And for the Men, remember, every "visit" to the lady behind doors matters.  The Law of Destiny & Karma silently notes down your visits to see if anything has been done without the door being opened on its own. Just a matter of time, when you can no longer walk yourself to the door if you allowed yourself in against approval.  Cherish the red carpet if its gifted to you, and deserve it with all goodness in your being. 

To absolutely simplify , a lady needs to exercise deliberation before she invests herself with a man physically. A Man, likewise need to exercise due conduct before connecting with a lady with no hasty judgments on a lady's status quo. Mindless physical submission of a lady and unwanted abuse by a man on a lady are both unacceptable by all standards.  

Respect your bodies. Respect yourselves. 

B e  R e s p o n i s b l e !    B e  E x c l u s i v e !

From Swami to Sombrero - How I lost my Stage Fear

 

What Swamiji ? What are you thinking ? My hefty 9th Standard Physics teacher spotted me sitting with a calmness on my face , unperturbed by the noisy adolescent chats of my peers. I didn't have an answer for him. I was just chilling in my own privacy, my bubble of comfortable silence where no one bothered to come in and say Hi !.  

       

Growing up ..

Boy, I have had a journey up the schooling years. I was an extremely shy, fearful baby in kindergarten, afraid of teachers and I ended up puking everyday out of fear, as I missed the divine touch of my mother, who dropped me in school with the School caretakers and I felt like a fish out of water. From 1st Grade to 5th Grade, I slowly developed my awkwardness( yeah, you read it right, It only got worse)  but I scored good marks and secured a good name from teachers. But I didn't have any friends, to call as dear ones. 6th Grade to 8th Grade, a time when my personal jail which I imposed on myself started pricking me. I didn't know how to come out, I felt safe but I started developing mental rashes and people began to notice me, that I am being inconspicuous. Something like, when you walk into the class and your friends think "hey look, its that boy, I don't know what he does here or why he comes here".  8th Grade onward, you all know. The most excruciating years when puberty kicks in and I was a mess within myself. Oh ! The thoughts, the glances, the experiences , the Guilt and the mistakes. I once got caught by one of my favorite teachers , copying in a class test and painfully enough, she didn't Out me. She somehow, punished me by not punishing me, which left a constant fear of impending future humiliation and I was not able to get past that.   Somehow, I managed to stay afloat with all my discomfort. To the world, I was a happy kid, no worries, no health problems, decent at studies. Internally, I knew, I was still meta-morphing into who I have to be, but since nobody was aware what was happening in my mind, I didn't get the help which I didn't know I needed.  Fast forward to 9th Grade Sir's sarcastic question to make me talk. 

Those days, when you want to be noticed by your peers, you want the girls to like you, you want the light on you, but you just don't have the confidence to launch. But, you knew, you had so much fuel packed inside and nobody bothered to come and light it for you.  I was desperately trying to better me, but I was tied up in my own self-imposed fears of making a fool of myself. I admired, worshiped those few, who came to the front of the class and boldly spoke on extempore topics. I used to sweat so much, drink water and write down names of my favorite gods  repeatedly on the last pages of the classwork, to not be called out to speak next. Oh, the relief, the mental orgasm I used to get when the Bell rang and I knew my turn will not come. I knew,that day will not torture me any further. One of those days, when I couldn't escape, I somehow used to blurt out something and thankfully, I don't remember the days when I was weak. Except for the awareness, that I was a nobody and I started from humble tidings. Pathetically, my parents, who got to see me, the close friends, who bothered to feign interest in me, nobody knew, I needed a giant pat on the back to bring out the magic inside me. My only company was God. All my honesty, shone on the Gods, who looked after me,  empathically.  I  passed out of 10th grade with decent grades, much to the surprise of me, my parents, particularly my mom, who totally left me to the Grace of the Gods as I was showing some trouble in getting good grades in 9th-10th and she had her own set of maternal worries about my future.  Later in my 20s my mom often confessed, how relieved she was, to see me get 84% in my board exams when she feared and prepared for the absolute worst. But one day came. 

The Twist !

Sir Sivaswamy Kalalaya HSS, Mandaveli , the most comfortable jump for the Tambhrams around Mylapore students who quit PS Senior Secondary School, was my Miracle, the Blessing to come. The school's premises were humble,  a single building solely dedicated to high performing students and the total focus was on studies and acing the 12th Board exams. This school, the 2 years there, absolutely reversed all the damage I had done to myself in my decade long debacle with my previous school. To be fair, PSSSS is absolutely one of the BEST schools in the area, the student quality, the exposure, the pedagogy. Just that, it was not meant to bring the best out of me. Had I been a more confident boy, I would have done even better. 

                                   

First few days in the new school,  when this lady, My Computer Science mam & the Hindi Mam walk in and in a loud voice starts selecting boys for the Hindi drama. These two, I don't know what prompted them,  they pointed to me and said "Here, you ! You get up. You will be Prince Kalinga." . I stood baffled and tongue tied, because I was still adjusting to the school, new faces and the same awkwardness in a newer environment. Adding to that, this Computer mam, also announced that I will take the seminar for the 1st chapter that very week. I literally looked at her like a lollipop plucked out of a kid, like a boy snatched from his parents to be in The Army , like a girl given away in marriage by her parents. 

                                  

Somehow, the day came. I had prepared, swallowed the pages of the 1st chapter that spoke about Generations of computers, pretty basic content. The class hardly didn't have a space to run around. So, we need to request students in the front to make way, and I was standing in front of everyone. All 40 odd students, looking at me with no expectations. I shouted at the top of my lungs - the telltale sign of a speaker who has confidence issues. I talked so loud that, from time to time, I began to cough. But, strangely the entire class became Pin drop Silent. Like the abominable silence in a burial ground. I silently saw myself shedding the many years of cocoon that I had been weaving around myself with my own insecurities. I saw myself burst out from my own cocoon. My loud voice was the Boom ! I required. I had been looking for this outside, when all I had to do was Get up, Show up and Speak up. The lesson was completed and my class clapped for 30 seconds. Do you have any idea how it felt in my ears ? My entire body was crying out of happiness. My eyes became so dry, in a desperate effort to not appear weak, but my body, my being was throbbing with horripilation, at the miracle that just happened.  Did I really pull of a Stage talk? Did people seriously clap for my speech? Am I no longer the guy I used to be? .  One needs to experience, such kind of emotions, I tell you. Today, I am grateful to the heavens, with all humility, I am proud to say, I am a much confident guy in almost every set up. I deserted all my fears of meeting people , public speaking , doing things which I thought I will never do unless I was heavily drugged and out of my senses (like dancing in front of an audience-  a story for another day). I have even learnt basic Spanish now, to talk with native Spanish people much to their delight and my own self amusement. Hope , now you get the title, that refers "Swami to Sombrero".

And now ! 

My story of coming out of the "Stage fear" phase really taught me so much. It taught me to have empathy on people I see who suffer from the same or similar fears. It reminds me to stay grounded. It reminds me that I was not always strong and audacious. It taught me to ask for help without being afraid. It soothed me that, someone helped me and I should do to people wherever I can, whenever I see an opportunity. It made me realize that, our life doesn't always remain the same. That, Good days follow. Sometimes, the clouds don't appear to move, but if you look closely, they are very huge passing clouds and they take time to move. Bad days, tough situations are indeed passing clouds, but we should give some time for them to pass, as they are moving and the more the load, the more time it takes to move. And when it passes, it's all Sunshine and Rainbows.

A Walk among the Many feet of Man

The water stopped coming , while Rahul was in the shower and he shouted - "This damn thing stopped again . Just when I enter to clean myself . Ask them to switch on the motor while I stand here ." His mother came near the door , and spoke some reason into his mind - "Arey , Shakespeare . Reduce the drama , learn to handle situations with poise. I will go and tell them." 1 hour went by , Rahul stood for 10 minutes half lathered with a dying coat of his recently bought favorite soap , waiting for the water drops to fill half a bucket. Lucky for him, he was able to come out with dignity, with the half bucket water, ready to make a scene what all the fuss was about, when he heard voices from the basement. He threw in some dress on him, went down to see that motor was not operating properly and there was also a problem of drainage block. While his anger got distracted at this change of events, he saw an old guy push a cycle with some tools and a cloth bag. After the longest 10 minutes of his  life, the old man got down to business.With amazing muscle memory, mental grit, removed the cement slab and just like that, wasting no time he went inside the enclosure which housed the recently flushed remnants of the flat. Rahul's stomach turned, he non-judgmentally winced from shock to see a fellow human do something like this for a livelihood. He averted his eyes, gave a smile to the neighbor and went up the stairs and heard a ping. It was his month end reward, for the hours he slogged. He merely looked at the message and dismissed it, because he was aware what was there in the message. After a while, there was a message in the whatsapp group of his flat, saying 2000 INR was spent that day for maintenance. Then the image of the old guy going down flashed in his mind and he pranced out of his chair, grabbed a wallet and decided to go out for some fresh air. While he was going down the lift, he had a thought to pay a 50INR extra for food, to the old man, but he was long gone.

Out on the streets, there he was, a blessed young man, making good money, listening to music, watching his thoughts morph him into a 'thinker'. On the way, he saw a man struck with shriveled fingers, torn rags ,looking at him, his eyes literally screaming, FEED ME. ! Rahul made a sudden turn, grabbed a loaf of bread and gave it to this guy, who got it and still appeared dissatisfied. Ah. The greed of mankind. It always partners Need. Rahul pushed a 10 INR note and went ahead. He boarded a bus , still listening to his music, mind elsewhere. A few stops later, the bus began to get crowded. He was casually thinking, how he could help people like the old man, who did things he will never do for 1/100th of a salary he was getting. His heart was warm with gratitude but cold with melancholic shock on the plight of few people whose lives were biopics by themselves. He was in his own mental plane, when he realized he was standing face to face with another guy in his 30's , standing awkwardly close with him and Rahul couldn't move his hands nor change his position and it was too obvious for him but to endure the  situation. He started sweating, but the guy in front of him, even more. He noticed the guy gave him looks now and then, as he was breathing hot air, while Rahul's head was almost like a Navy soldier, erect and upright and he was looking down on the others, in a desperate effort to not be violated by this guy. Then in a force of habit, did the pocket touch, when he noticed his wallet was missing. His heart skipped 4 beats. Before he could confirm he had just lost his wallet, the bus halted and 5-6 people got out, along with this guy. Rahul was screaming in his head, Thief Thief ! but his legs were not moving in shock. He somehow went down the stairs and noticed the drenched guy pacing on the opposite side of the road, nervously. Rahul's eyes met his. The guy began to run. A chase began and Rahul finally locked him, in a street and was about to punch the teeth out of that guy, when he fell at his feet and shouted, he had just lost his job and his daughter was starving.  Rahul first ensured he got back his wallet, checked the contents and  began abusing that guy. The guy hung his head, then began. Sir, trust me or not. This is my first time. I had no other option. Recently, his boss argued with him and kicked him out without any settlement and his daughter, who was recently born, needed food and medicines. He had no other option but to take such evil shortcuts, and he realized now that he wasn't even a good thief. Rahul, slowly began to soften, asked him where he lived and found a woman heating soup, and a girl crying on the floor in a 1 room house. The moment the guy saw his wife, he lamented loudly and crunched on the floor, saying "he had no other option" . They exchanged emotional arrows , the Rahul , who was himself on the verge of tearing, called the guy out. Asked him what were his skills, got his phone number, checked his communication skills, asked his past experience and gave his own number.  While parting good bye, his wife gestured him with a weight on her face. The guy looked at Rahul, hugged him and whispered, SHE IS A LADY , SHE HAS NEEDS.  Rahul patted him , dragged him out, bought them some essentials , along with the sanitary pads and wished him good luck. 

 That was the most thickest 30 minutes of his life. He was about to board the bus, when he again stopped in a nearby tea shop. Bought a biscuit packet, to a family of dogs, that came running towards him , he fed them and quickly boarded the bus. He was at the flat and was relieved to know the water system was back in action and he badly wanted a shower. He felt, HE DESERVED a good shower. Then, he paused. What's there to deserve in this. Is that not, everyone's need ? Why did he feel so special about him ? Where was all this pride stemming from? Rahul began his journey of gratitude, humility as he stopped hurrying past his blessings and began to enjoy them when they were happening. The food on his table, the running water. He looked at his folks, who by the wisdom of their age, noticed a sudden maturity in their rich single kid - spoiled son. But they didn't praise him, for, a few words of encouragement can easily distract the Disciplined mind. Time passed and Rahul had a good month at work. It was month end, he had just got out of shower, draped in towel, smiling at the beaming noon sun, when he heard the Usual ding in his phone. This time, it sounded different. He took a deep breath, read through the entire message contents. He Sat down, while the happenings of the first few weeks flashed on his mind, he suddenly got a call. He picked up to hear a voice " Sir, May god Bless you with a life long of luxury and happiness. May you & your family prosper well . I got the job which you recommended and now I can take care of my family more decently. I am truly sorry for what I did to you. May God reward your compassionate heart.". Rahul's heart welled up and his brown eyes became Red, they exchanged pleasantries and he hung up the call. 

Not all of us are blessed. Not all of us are blessed at the same time, or in the same way. We have our tides. We go up and down like everyone. On the way up, if we can manage to lift someone up, when we go down, there will be someone to catch us before the fall. While we are at the top, remember, the next wave is coming . Be thankful. Be grateful. 

Love ALL. Serve ALL.  

Stay Well 

Depression - The Mental Diabetes

Call it Lifestyle disease or not , like Diabetes , which is hereditary , and to an extent a lifestyle driven problem ,Depression , has long been the 'Diabetes of the mind'. When a person who can't even speak about their internal chaos , even though all the heart pumps enough blood into the tongue while the brain searches for the right words , the emotions someone goes through when they are in this state of Depression is inexplicable. Like Diabetes, one doesn't know , when exactly they got bulldozed into Depression and pitifully,  themselves & their family only gets to find when their behavior becomes very erratic and it was simply misinterpreted as passing clouds of "Short Term Frustration" . One rarely understands, that these outbursts stem from a long history of unattended pain. 

Hold-on ! When did it start ?

Spiritual sources repeatedly stress on the statement that , "we as humans are by default , inherently meant to be blissful peace always  as we are a fragment of the Divine Superpower , which by itself is an ocean of bliss" . When do we actually lose sight of this power in us ? Was it when we were born ? When the baby simply cries , or tries to cry , does it know that it cries ? Does it feel the pressure to express itself , does it feel that it is not able to tell if it wants to potty or it is hungry and the mother , in a rush of selfless love taps the bottom of the baby and then immediately readies herself to feed the baby ? As we age, when we start mixing with people ,do we really depend on someone , to come and run a protocol on us , like the way the air hostesses enact before flight takeoff ? Is asking for help , a weakness or perhaps just a way of life ? Should we be smart enough to sense if someone needs help , and not wait for them to ask for help and simply swoop into fix their anomaly ?  

A Comparison of sorts..

Were the stone age humans ever sad , when all they did was live , just be , eat , sleep and mate when they had to , with no impulsive drive to do evolve ? May be that's why all the inventions that followed were the results of destined fortunate accidents .

May be it was all a big accident to evolve .

May be , if humans learnt to "just be" and not interfere as life unravels through us , our monkey minds wouldn't have jumped  between thoughts.  Were people of the past, sad that they couldn't instantly message someone like the people of today , were they hungry that their beauty , valor or talent , wasn't appreciated enough and they were dying to share it with the entire world  ? Does Man, by using his intelligence, create a "need" out of nowhere ,  post it's creation, in the absence of which,  becomes  the very reason to be sad ? When this need was not created before, did Man have one less reason to worry , as these were non-existent chambers of his being and once it was discovered , it began to add weight to his existence ? Does it hit you that, until the antelope / deer , actually notices the hard majestic horns on its head, it may not feel that it was carrying something on top ,but when it sensed it had something on its head, it started feeling heavy and it was tough to even raise its head effortlessly like before ? Mystery mystery mystery .... The more we move the molecules of discovery , the more atomic reasons of trouble we create , for everything has a darker side and we are good as long as we don't look that way.  

Old vs New..

In old times, when the womenfolk were not so vibrant ,when their roles were less prominent , did they still go through tough phases and not give in ? Very much , they must have had tough phases , such as miscarriages, unable to conceive, unable to menstruate properly , mothers who gave birth to Special challenged kids, - these problems still exist today. Did the dead women of the past , find that Strength to not convert a problem into a reason for ending life ? Did they ask for support , was their support turned down ? The men of the past , did they feel the weight of proving themselves to others , which is still a thing of today ? Did they Give-in mentally when they were not able to display the prescribed signs of "success" , did they feel awkward when their bodies began to display changes when they hit puberty and they had no one to talk about it ? Did the young boys felt guilty when they misinterpreted the need to have Sex as a sin , as a 'no-no' , something which only the adults did ,but they couldn't help but think about it when their bodies were preparing them for that ? The people of today , men , women , kids and the old alike , who have phones and devices that have a voice of their own , are well endowed in expressing of our thoughts, talk with literally anyone on the planet, why should we feel suffocated to not talk about our darkest thoughts ? Why do we have these poor souls going into the downward spiral of this Dangerous Condition called Depression ? 

Diversity Induced Inferior Complex..

Is a person , having a good source of income the trigger behind a person who is not employed , or perhaps doing a less attractive or irrelevant job , source of depression ? Is a person who has good looks the reason behind someone who is not good looking , source of depression ? The comparison is endless . In reality , if there are 100 people in a community , not all are going to be the same, for the most obvious reasons . Are we not sane enough to handle diversity ? Are we not confident enough to handle someone's success , or perhaps someone's reasons to be happy? Should the so called human beings mimic the animals in this aspect ? When animals mate by attracting the opposite gender , by displaying their talents, do the losing animal go and die by starving or find no reason to mate at all ? Do they die single ? Do the losing animals feel 'pain' strong enough , long enough , to push them to such an extent to give up their life ? What is the solution to all this ? . 

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Mending the Mind...

As much simple that sounds , the answer cant be boxed into one book . For , humans get depressed for different reasons.  If one person , who is being called out names by friends, feels happy that they have someone to have fun , it may be the source of depression for someone who assume it as an insult , to their pride and start looking down on themselves. Girls who like attention from boys , survive , but girls who don't like the unwanted attention , turn inwards and start getting paranoid , to such an extent that they start hallucinating that those very boys peek into her bedroom . The human mind , is one powerful instrument.  These days, when we see books being written and movies being made , on how to be happy , trying to define happiness , how to stay calm and gleeful , we also need to define , what is actually an ideal reason to be sad.  When we accept the simple but hard hitting truth that we are all not the same , the ones that are blessed wont mock or display their gifts to those who are not . Someone might not have that gift at all , or they may be having that gift in lesser proportions. Not all of us can handle the same situation the same way . There can't be one blanket solution to this problem called depression , as each person reads the same situation based on the inputs their minds choose to act on and we simply cant dole out "standard" medicines.  

When the Solution to the Problem is a problem by itself....

One should go and see psychiatric hospitals , where patients of all ages, lie around , with a dead expression on their faces, their bodies connected to shock therapy instruments as they writhe in pain when those currents go off and kill those memories from their brain that made their world haywire. They have to take medicines lifelong, depending on their level of depression and it also has side effects like social trauma , thyroid , obesity and they can only dream of living a normal life as they get advised that, without these medicines and drugs, they just wont be normal . Over a period of time, their bodies , expect these medicines, even though the mind may be ready to restart , but who can even take a decision on that , at the expense of someone's life at stake. It is not easy folks. I have seen depression in front of my eyes, how it attacks a person , how it transforms someone  , as the light of their colorful past changes colors right in front of your eyes and it only takes sheer DESTINY and Miracle , to see that person come back to their normal spirits , be themselves, fearlessly again . I saw them recover. Some days,  seeing someone in trouble , wrestles my mind as I wonder , how I was happy in one corner, that I was human enough to feel someone's pain and ache for them , but I was also sad that , I was just 'a human', as I can't do anything instantly to make them snap out of their trauma , and simply employ methods and leave it to course of time . 

There is hope...

 

It all comes down to Kindness . Empathy . Humility . Awareness.  

Kindness, in the fact that , your own set of unique qualities are meant to be used for the larger good. Not to create attention and rake up fame, by humbling others by making them feel small in front of you. Why cause pain in someone , by pointing out someone's flaws, someone's inabilities merely by you showing what you have or can do ?.To quickly draw a picture , try not to boast on social media how happy you are as a family , how loving your parents are , your siblings are , as there are so many out there , who lost their parent or sibling and it troubles them to see how happy you are. 

"Show your Love and gratitude in private - No one NEEDS to know YOU are happy"

Empathy , that not all are going to be blessed the same way , no matter how much they try , how strong their minds are, how lucky they seem to be ,their situation wont change . Why ? Because, their journey is different . Their 'emotional' definitions are different.   Humility and Awareness ,again , to imply that we all don't react the same way. Some of us harden by nature against pain , some of us Soften and Break down.  If we simply fly in this timeless universe in our own paths not bothering to make a show, there will be no bumps in this journey . If by now,  after reading this , you have this drive to show your concern for those suffering from depression , you can start by being yourself  when others are being themselves. We are meant to coexist,by simply existing , not to let other's know that we also exist. 

Talk with your friends , be MAN enough to pat on them , a kiss on their forehead , a smile , a hug , an ice-cream , a few drops of tear when they share something painful , a vibrant smile when they appear to be happy , just be around them , by allowing themselves to be themselves even as you effortlessly exist by yourself. 

Happiness and Sorrow hits all of us impartially . Feel free to take that soul to the Clinic , unwrap their knots and untie them from their own agony . By doing this , you are playing the Creator's role by recreating a person from ashes . They deserve that backing . 

A moment of prayer to all those souls, that took their life voluntarily , to help them attain peace of mind , heart and soul. May all of us be kind to each other , realize that we are all fragments of the same Divine Love.