Depression - The Mental Diabetes

Call it Lifestyle disease or not , like Diabetes , which is hereditary , and to an extent a lifestyle driven problem ,Depression , has long been the 'Diabetes of the mind'. When a person who can't even speak about their internal chaos , even though all the heart pumps enough blood into the tongue while the brain searches for the right words , the emotions someone goes through when they are in this state of Depression is inexplicable. Like Diabetes, one doesn't know , when exactly they got bulldozed into Depression and pitifully,  themselves & their family only gets to find when their behavior becomes very erratic and it was simply misinterpreted as passing clouds of "Short Term Frustration" . One rarely understands, that these outbursts stem from a long history of unattended pain. 

Hold-on ! When did it start ?

Spiritual sources repeatedly stress on the statement that , "we as humans are by default , inherently meant to be blissful peace always  as we are a fragment of the Divine Superpower , which by itself is an ocean of bliss" . When do we actually lose sight of this power in us ? Was it when we were born ? When the baby simply cries , or tries to cry , does it know that it cries ? Does it feel the pressure to express itself , does it feel that it is not able to tell if it wants to potty or it is hungry and the mother , in a rush of selfless love taps the bottom of the baby and then immediately readies herself to feed the baby ? As we age, when we start mixing with people ,do we really depend on someone , to come and run a protocol on us , like the way the air hostesses enact before flight takeoff ? Is asking for help , a weakness or perhaps just a way of life ? Should we be smart enough to sense if someone needs help , and not wait for them to ask for help and simply swoop into fix their anomaly ?  

A Comparison of sorts..

Were the stone age humans ever sad , when all they did was live , just be , eat , sleep and mate when they had to , with no impulsive drive to do evolve ? May be that's why all the inventions that followed were the results of destined fortunate accidents .

May be it was all a big accident to evolve .

May be , if humans learnt to "just be" and not interfere as life unravels through us , our monkey minds wouldn't have jumped  between thoughts.  Were people of the past, sad that they couldn't instantly message someone like the people of today , were they hungry that their beauty , valor or talent , wasn't appreciated enough and they were dying to share it with the entire world  ? Does Man, by using his intelligence, create a "need" out of nowhere ,  post it's creation, in the absence of which,  becomes  the very reason to be sad ? When this need was not created before, did Man have one less reason to worry , as these were non-existent chambers of his being and once it was discovered , it began to add weight to his existence ? Does it hit you that, until the antelope / deer , actually notices the hard majestic horns on its head, it may not feel that it was carrying something on top ,but when it sensed it had something on its head, it started feeling heavy and it was tough to even raise its head effortlessly like before ? Mystery mystery mystery .... The more we move the molecules of discovery , the more atomic reasons of trouble we create , for everything has a darker side and we are good as long as we don't look that way.  

Old vs New..

In old times, when the womenfolk were not so vibrant ,when their roles were less prominent , did they still go through tough phases and not give in ? Very much , they must have had tough phases , such as miscarriages, unable to conceive, unable to menstruate properly , mothers who gave birth to Special challenged kids, - these problems still exist today. Did the dead women of the past , find that Strength to not convert a problem into a reason for ending life ? Did they ask for support , was their support turned down ? The men of the past , did they feel the weight of proving themselves to others , which is still a thing of today ? Did they Give-in mentally when they were not able to display the prescribed signs of "success" , did they feel awkward when their bodies began to display changes when they hit puberty and they had no one to talk about it ? Did the young boys felt guilty when they misinterpreted the need to have Sex as a sin , as a 'no-no' , something which only the adults did ,but they couldn't help but think about it when their bodies were preparing them for that ? The people of today , men , women , kids and the old alike , who have phones and devices that have a voice of their own , are well endowed in expressing of our thoughts, talk with literally anyone on the planet, why should we feel suffocated to not talk about our darkest thoughts ? Why do we have these poor souls going into the downward spiral of this Dangerous Condition called Depression ? 

Diversity Induced Inferior Complex..

Is a person , having a good source of income the trigger behind a person who is not employed , or perhaps doing a less attractive or irrelevant job , source of depression ? Is a person who has good looks the reason behind someone who is not good looking , source of depression ? The comparison is endless . In reality , if there are 100 people in a community , not all are going to be the same, for the most obvious reasons . Are we not sane enough to handle diversity ? Are we not confident enough to handle someone's success , or perhaps someone's reasons to be happy? Should the so called human beings mimic the animals in this aspect ? When animals mate by attracting the opposite gender , by displaying their talents, do the losing animal go and die by starving or find no reason to mate at all ? Do they die single ? Do the losing animals feel 'pain' strong enough , long enough , to push them to such an extent to give up their life ? What is the solution to all this ? . 

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Mending the Mind...

As much simple that sounds , the answer cant be boxed into one book . For , humans get depressed for different reasons.  If one person , who is being called out names by friends, feels happy that they have someone to have fun , it may be the source of depression for someone who assume it as an insult , to their pride and start looking down on themselves. Girls who like attention from boys , survive , but girls who don't like the unwanted attention , turn inwards and start getting paranoid , to such an extent that they start hallucinating that those very boys peek into her bedroom . The human mind , is one powerful instrument.  These days, when we see books being written and movies being made , on how to be happy , trying to define happiness , how to stay calm and gleeful , we also need to define , what is actually an ideal reason to be sad.  When we accept the simple but hard hitting truth that we are all not the same , the ones that are blessed wont mock or display their gifts to those who are not . Someone might not have that gift at all , or they may be having that gift in lesser proportions. Not all of us can handle the same situation the same way . There can't be one blanket solution to this problem called depression , as each person reads the same situation based on the inputs their minds choose to act on and we simply cant dole out "standard" medicines.  

When the Solution to the Problem is a problem by itself....

One should go and see psychiatric hospitals , where patients of all ages, lie around , with a dead expression on their faces, their bodies connected to shock therapy instruments as they writhe in pain when those currents go off and kill those memories from their brain that made their world haywire. They have to take medicines lifelong, depending on their level of depression and it also has side effects like social trauma , thyroid , obesity and they can only dream of living a normal life as they get advised that, without these medicines and drugs, they just wont be normal . Over a period of time, their bodies , expect these medicines, even though the mind may be ready to restart , but who can even take a decision on that , at the expense of someone's life at stake. It is not easy folks. I have seen depression in front of my eyes, how it attacks a person , how it transforms someone  , as the light of their colorful past changes colors right in front of your eyes and it only takes sheer DESTINY and Miracle , to see that person come back to their normal spirits , be themselves, fearlessly again . I saw them recover. Some days,  seeing someone in trouble , wrestles my mind as I wonder , how I was happy in one corner, that I was human enough to feel someone's pain and ache for them , but I was also sad that , I was just 'a human', as I can't do anything instantly to make them snap out of their trauma , and simply employ methods and leave it to course of time . 

There is hope...

 

It all comes down to Kindness . Empathy . Humility . Awareness.  

Kindness, in the fact that , your own set of unique qualities are meant to be used for the larger good. Not to create attention and rake up fame, by humbling others by making them feel small in front of you. Why cause pain in someone , by pointing out someone's flaws, someone's inabilities merely by you showing what you have or can do ?.To quickly draw a picture , try not to boast on social media how happy you are as a family , how loving your parents are , your siblings are , as there are so many out there , who lost their parent or sibling and it troubles them to see how happy you are. 

"Show your Love and gratitude in private - No one NEEDS to know YOU are happy"

Empathy , that not all are going to be blessed the same way , no matter how much they try , how strong their minds are, how lucky they seem to be ,their situation wont change . Why ? Because, their journey is different . Their 'emotional' definitions are different.   Humility and Awareness ,again , to imply that we all don't react the same way. Some of us harden by nature against pain , some of us Soften and Break down.  If we simply fly in this timeless universe in our own paths not bothering to make a show, there will be no bumps in this journey . If by now,  after reading this , you have this drive to show your concern for those suffering from depression , you can start by being yourself  when others are being themselves. We are meant to coexist,by simply existing , not to let other's know that we also exist. 

Talk with your friends , be MAN enough to pat on them , a kiss on their forehead , a smile , a hug , an ice-cream , a few drops of tear when they share something painful , a vibrant smile when they appear to be happy , just be around them , by allowing themselves to be themselves even as you effortlessly exist by yourself. 

Happiness and Sorrow hits all of us impartially . Feel free to take that soul to the Clinic , unwrap their knots and untie them from their own agony . By doing this , you are playing the Creator's role by recreating a person from ashes . They deserve that backing . 

A moment of prayer to all those souls, that took their life voluntarily , to help them attain peace of mind , heart and soul. May all of us be kind to each other , realize that we are all fragments of the same Divine Love. 

A Day in the Life of a "Work From Home" Developer

I was  as usual sitting in my corner . My overheated laptop on the lapdesk , a stethoscope like Headphone around my neck and the microphone spying on my thoughts as I was tapping the keys like a panda playing with baby potatoes.  I had this look on my face . Not the most handsome one, but clearly , strong enough to make my parents start worrying if I was contemplating something disastrous in my mind. They caught me , in one of those moments, when a developer simply stares at the system waiting for the system to respond and the page to be loaded. My mother managed to put up a comforting smile , in a adorable effort to lift my spirits,  when in reality , I was thinking what she will be making for dinner that day . She thought I was stressed out , because of my stale expression , while I was sitting like a buffalo squatting for a number #2 . On another occasion , I was working from my bedroom , again , giving a 'dead stare' in the monitor and this gets even hilarious.  Usually , when someone see's adult videos, they have this expression of frozen trance on their face , and this is no hidden fact. My father, the poor fellow , he almost thought I was browsing in one of those sleazy sites to relieve my tension as I had sat on the floor , staring at the monitor , legs outstretched and hands on my lap . He slowly flew by me , like an eagle , eyeing a prey , if indeed I had become that desperate to start doing these things during daytime , when he came closest to me to observe me ogling at an application that was taking an eternity to load.  He slowly walked past me, after being relieved that his son was OK ... as I got distracted by the wind of his movement. 

The stories of a 'Work From Home' Developer are a Book by itself.  With the headphone around our necks , the hands on the laptop like a dog tapping its owner for some food , an expression like a 3 year old girl was snatched off her lollipop , sitting in a corner everyday talking to people , occasionally swearing at the skies outside and mentally breaking the laptop a million times in the head ,  we are a circus in still motion.  Some days , the internet slowness has tested my endurance to such levels , that I went and blurted out to my parents if we can buy a Boxing Bag , much to their horror.  In a lighter vein , our parents ,have battled so many challenges , in their simple lives before all this technology boom ,  but they never gave-in. And here we are,  fuming and sweating at the content on Social media websites and official work alike , with our laptops .  The other day, some ants had also creeped into my personal laptop and I was like , can it get any better ? So I did some Googling to see how to get Ants out of my laptop , to hear my mommy dearest entering the room like a Queen Narnia , as she proclaimed "How many times I have told you to not sit with the laptop when you have your food. ? ..." .  Luckily, this was a chance for me to clean my table,  I sprayed some Dettol and other disinfectants , tapped the laptop and dusted it and slowly the army of ants bid goodbye. 

"Can you hear me ? I think you are breaking ? Let me reconnect.  Hold on" - this is my all time statement. I realized how this continuous work from home has taxed the Internet capacity of both my home and the neighborhood. To repeat things, to ask things be repeated are not really the best experiences during calls , but hey , who am I kidding . Communication is an Art by itself, One day ,  a big chunk of code which I was frantically trying to check-in , ( save ) just didn't go and I decided to change my WiFi plan. I clicked "Forget" on my home network on the arrogance, that I will reconnect and pursue again ,only to realize ,I don't know my home WiFi password as it always connected when I switched on. How,  shortcuts have damaged our scope to remember things ! . Then after a battle of 30 minutes , trying different passwords, speaking to our Network team , I solved the issue with the help of my parents, as they were also helplessly looking at my chaotic behavior.  I was back online and not a thing had progressed at work . I messaged my boss , "I had to step out to attend something " , as I bit my lip wondering how challenges can come out of nowhere and how traumatic it can be to explain things to people as it can be easily misinterpreted as "excuses" and nonchalance. 

The other day , I was just about to go for a breath of fresh air when suddenly an email came , and my bottom got plastered to the floor instantly. 30 minutes later , I got reminded that I wanted to take a break , to go out and stand in the balcony , observe the pigeons mess up my neighbor's terrace with straws and food particles. The funny thing is, it was a generic mail  , which didn't even warrant my immediate attention , but somehow , our laptops have this hypnotizing power , when you come and sit , your hands magically open 4 tabs and 40 links and you only get up when you suddenly move forward to look at something closer and you realize how hot your back had become due to the constant sitting.  Or, when the "battery low" message pops up and you lose your concentration and head out to do something .  Not to forget, when a boring song comes in your playlist and you search for the next best song you like to listen . Like most people , I always got this music running from my speakers much to the dismay of my house folks , who have this complaint for decades, that they have to always shout if they want to speak to me . Ah... Life....!

I was back after sometime, thankfully just in time ,when I noticed a meeting invite was screaming for attention and I hastily triple clicked on the link to connect to the meeting . I almost shouted in horror as I saw my face on the meeting forum, because I had accidentally logged in with "video on" instead of "mute on".  I was wearing a towel and a vest, and by looks , I resembled a Tea Stall Boy . With my unkempt hair, clothes like those, whoever on the other side of the meeting saw me that day , would have got tonnes to think about.  I hit Mute and laughed hysterically looking at the window , as my mom again saw me , in a state of absolute craziness . But she got used to it and moved on , to adjust the curtains. She came back after sometime, asked If I had showered and I angrily pointed out to my headphone signalling I was on a meeting.  Then I realized, its not worth it , as I dragged myself and told her calmly ,  "I will bathe when I need , Haven't I told you , I become a Dracula when I wear my headphones ?" She shot back - "Head to the shower  . It's 3" .  I gave it a thought , went back to my system , refreshed 10 times,  hit "Send/Receive" in my outlook 5 times,  checked my messaging app ,  once the coast was clear , I kept a Watch on my notepad and headed for my ablutions. To those, who don't get the previous statement , I suggest, you let it go. If I explained it, You will lose the last remaining regards you have for us IT folks .  I grabbed my Bluetooth speakers , my phone and walked past the hall , thinking I have 2 hours before the next meeting , as I hungrily eyed what menu mom had cooked for lunch today and I blurted on my way "I want fried Papads , I don't like this vegetable" and quickly sped inside before a flying broomstick came my way !