If you are one of those creatures that have never let a piece of meat down that esophagus of yours, you can so relate about what's about to come. So, I must confess, my eating life here has provided enough humor in my life than a sitcom. The other day, I so gleefully grabbed a bunch of spinach and orange colored strands of some edible item , which I knew wasn't meat. I open the box at lunch time, only to find I had grabbed an obscene amount of cheddar cheese , which I so naively presumed was grated carrots. I still finished my box, because, cheese is still a luxury for chubby guys like me. They belong to the other army. The army of those lucky bas***ds who never get fat no matter how much they eat. ME ? I walk by a cake shop , I gain a pound. I don't know, I sometimes think, as much I enjoy my food , the food likes my body. Because it comfortably goes and settles down in places in my body, which I didn't even know existed , until when a button popped open when I put my shirt on. Moving on. The other day, back in my early days in this country, I was still warming up to the "Waffles" and the maple syrups. One day I wanted to add some magic to it, grabbed what I thought was brown sugar ,tossed some whipped cream and turned to get a seat only to find a white guy look at me with awe. I rarely am checked out by people, but this dude couldn't control his emotions which was written all over his face. I sat down on my seat, bracing to take a big bite of my roasted tasty waffle only to choke and wince in the huge amount of cinnamon powder I had just spayed all over my waffle. Bloody , I mistook cinnamon to be brown sugar and I looked at the guy who was passing me by, gave me the most sarcastic smile , when I blurted to him , 'bruh, you couldav told me , I was messing up my waffle' , to which he goes 'buddy , I thought you liked it that way' , only to break into a laughter as we ended the conversation with a loud Hi-5. The Restaurant Experience
The Hotel experience is no different. Most of these fancy restaurants idea of vegetarian meal is drowning some tomatoes and onions in pepper sauce and adding some tofu, which I suppose is the life jacket for these poor tomatoes. It's either that or an overdose of cheese flooded over peas and potatoes. I mean, I am sure the palate of a vegetarian extends beyond tomatoes, potatoes and cheese. I have had the opportunity to dine at some of the finest places here, and my experience has been nothing but a monotonous royalty. Apparently , they have an entree, appetizer and a dessert. Lucky me, I never take much time to decide what to eat, because most of the times, the menu boasts just one item for the herbivores. It's like, the hotel literally screaming at me - "This is what you get to eat. Now stuff this food up your proud vegan arse and get the hell out of here." . I always comply , I can't starve and I go with the flow. These pizzas are also evil. It takes a keen eye to distinguish a chicken topping from tomato circles and I end up gaping at them flat breads until someone took pity on the chaotic voices in my head and guide me on what is what. The one thing I can be sure of eating are these cheese cakes. OMG. The creamy flavor of the cheese and eggs, the sweetness of the sugar and the moistness of the bread and flour, not to forget the other sweet sauces added as topping easily puts a diabetic or a cardiac patient on a highway to hell. It's so delicious, that you feel so full and satisfied, that most of the times, I recover from the quick depression I have from the main course I just had when I eat some cheese cake or chocolate truffle.The Liquids Are No Better
They also have some fancy lemonades, sodas and ginger ales, which unfortunately have more sugar and water than the actual flavor of the ginger or lime, and if you choose to ignore these, you end up sipping some fine wine or naughty beer. The flavored yoghurts are these evil deceiving products, as they also have gelatin, which is made from discarded meat and bones of animals. I am a big time milk/yoghurt/paneer lover and thanks to my habit of checking products and ingredients profile, I am still loyal to my food preferences. The foods out here pose a challenge to one who has a filtered list of what to eat and drink. The place, where I live, luckily has cuisines from different countries, I had tried some Thai, Japanese, Chinese foods and they were good. Flavorful , light by appearance but surprisingly makes one feel full at the end of a meal. From all these experiences, my knowledge of the carnivorous diet has increased funnily, as I get to see how a single animal can be broken down to different dishes. Take for example, the Pig. Okay, to make it sound better, the Pork. We have the Bacon,Andouille , Loin, Ham . I mean, the only part of a pig that is not a popular dish is probably it's twisty tail or sniffy nose. Or, may be not. Fortunately, I also take egg once in a while, and I can survive with a pepper kissed omelette ,hard-boiled eggs or the good old Scrambled Eggs. But even that, for all the tasty nutrition provides , it comes with a lot of calories and cholesterol owing to which I always do some cycling or go for a walk when I had some yummy eggs. Most of the times, if you find me slurping gallons of Green tea somewhere, you can deduce for sure, it means that I have had some cheesecake, eggs, tofu and calorific food. Green Tea is my trusted Panacea to all the food expeditions I undertake.
Whatever...
At the end of the day, I just laugh at my situation but I still never decline an invite to eat at a restaurant when someone offers a treat or suggest to eat out. Food is food. And I am one foody herbivore and I will continue to graze as much as I can in God's Green Earth ! Until then, you enjoy the food that you eat, cos food is Life !
