Women - The Missing "W" of Wo(w)Men.

When a woman writes about her journey, somewhere the ink in her pen becomes a lava of emotions and the content , instead of melting the reader , hits them hard. But, when you see things from the other camp , even when you sail in the same ship and you write about it , it translates into an experience worth locking your eyes into .So here I am , an unmarried , debonair, young adult man ,writing about the 'Family Sailors' of the Society , otherwise known as 'the women'and their journey from one family to another.

Why am I even writing about this. Well. If you have seen something that is worth sharing, worth being mentioned about and you have the gift of the gab , there are no impediments to weaving these experiences into words that the readers would want to decorate their minds with. I hail from a family with many women , across generations and this has given me a first hand insight into understanding the complex magical creatures women are. This has taught me , as I age how I should conduct myself in the presence and absence of women. More precisely , I know when to be the Man in a situation , when to be a HuMan in a situation when I have a woman beside .

Read on, as I attempt to weave words to conjure the illusion , a lady is.

Ever since the world discovers the baby is a girl , life takes her through a journey that has her switching roles at unpredictable contexts extending her mental fiber making her mentally strong , irrespective of her physical demeanor. Blink Blink and she is now a young girl who just discovered she has more to do than just what guys do. The transition from a girl to a lady, catches her by surprise and shock. People now begin to see her in different light as though life did some sorcery on her. Her movements, words , gestures and actions get redefined to her new role. Words that sped out earlier, now go through speed breakers and some don't even come out. Her hands and legs too, now appear to stem more close to her own body as one wrong touch from her can invite many wrong touches towards her. Every day has her evolving herself into building her own identity. Years pass, as she fights her own inner demons from not compromising her moral values as much she wants to let them out. She helplessly judges her own desires and instead of guiding her innate desire for "pleasure", she ends up locking them up, unable to decide which way to go. I sometimes think women's brains are "dams of emotions". Everything is held in check, but given the wrong twist to her ethical valves , the dam breaks and she starts giving a dam about anything.

Her Hidden Kurukshethra - How to tame the lady in her

The temptation to being liked, to being pampered,to being glorified, to be seen as a miracle sets a current of worldly desires in her only to come and crash at her Moral Dam. Some women, lose it, and the dam starts leaking which is when uninvited people come sailing into her and go out in a flash , just to enjoy being in her waters while she helplessly looks on how they came and why they left and who was to blame in all this chaos. No wonder, it never gets cliched when people say, women need to exercise better self control in an otherwise uncontrolled world we live in. It takes so much gut and gumption, to manage presenting herself to the world, satisfy her need to be appreciated and praised for her gifts, at the same time hold on to her values and not be dependent on others. To be a woman is to be a strong tree , that wants to bear fruits, that needs water and sunshine but also not appear needy. The one takes care of the tree is the reason the tree lives, but the tree in turns provides shade, provides food and warmth in return of the sweats that once nurtured it. One can't exist without the other.

Her Phase Two - The Garden Attack and the Flying Farmer

Three flashes of the wand and she is now a married woman. Changing circumstances and role update phase two gets initiated. 

Like a tree that gets uprooted from it's fertile ,deep rooted soil to be placed in a new landscape, a woman literally maps herself onto a whole new family, inviting herself into their garden as they look on with suspense. She is oblivious of the conspicuous Garden attack  she is about to endure. Some admire her for her potential to bloom colorful flowers, some adore her fruit bearing capacity, some scorn at her for the amount of water, space and sunshine she needs, to do this magic without realizing, one she blooms and bears fruit, their garden is the cynosure of all eyes. Some , just stand ready with an axe to cut her off from stepping on to the other plants that already are planted there. So that, her presence doesn't cast a shadow on them , so that her roots don't mess up theirs, so that her flowers don't overpower their's. With as much dexterity, her resourceful parents take, in gently carving her out of their land to place in a new one, to reestablish herself , to make herself live until she revives her original self in the new garden a woman sails the boundless oceans of human sanity and emotions. 

Some women, uproot themselves to 'attractive farmers on brooms', thinking they can place her better and this doesn't always end well. She trusts the flying farmer, travels with him, as he enjoys her presence, but when he realizes she is too much of a weight to carry, she gets pushed off ,to fall face flat. Some lucky ones fall on fertile grounds, some on barren lands and thus begins her new journey to keep herself alive. For some lucky ones, the flying farmer works as he travels with her and plants her in his own garden where again she might have to face the Garden attack described above. These family sailors, reinvent themselves , sometimes question why they are being thrust into situations repeatedly just when they were settling down. 

Phase Three  - The Final row of the Family Sailor across Ocean of Life

Life takes her through the different waters, as she manages to keep her own ship from sinking , as her captain tries to sustain their livelihood. Some rough waters catapult the captain himself, making her fill the position and still keep sailing., The sun sets and rises, as waves keep crashing on her to make her feel alive. Though sometimes these waves come with much force cutting wedges on her and eventually she doesn't get to see the next sunrise. Out of all this , I understand that man and woman are entwined to be together, to be around each other and to be with each other. There are times, when he gets to be strong and there are her times. In her journey to being the most attractive plant, with bright flowers and sweet fruits, she couldn't have done it by herself but for her own inner resources that stem from within and the external sources that nurtured her.There is no point in pausing to understand who gets the biggest slice of the cake, as the life that the man and woman try to build requires both his bread and her flavor. Live life, without losing vision of your role, your strengths and weaknesses. Whether you are a woman or a man. 

Like the title reads, Women possess that hidden 'w' , that ties the 'Wow' and the 'Men'. Wo(w)Men . In the end, you are a Human and one day you are going to return to the Sand. Until then , live this journey like it's meant to be . Peace...

Job Change - Do you need it ? Industry : IT

An Elaborate article , read when you are most receptive and looking to arrive at a conclusion.

When it comes to pivoting your career towards your own vision of success you look for an assurance in the decisions you take. Not that we are any less smart, but a second opinion sometimes does wonders. At some point in our career, we tend to go through a dry patch when we feel we need a change and we start job hunting . A decision such as this needs to be weighed with a practical mind rather than an an emotional one. This article will help you revisit your triggers , urges that made you consider a job change in first place. At the end of this, rest assured you will see things clear as day. 

The IT Industry

The IT Industry is one glossy world on the outside. It mostly is shiny on the inside too. Mostly. This industry is known to be constantly evolving on the inside, technologies keep replacing each other and consumers of technology look to be ahead of each other every step of the race. This puts the people, who train and try to master a skill in jeopardy as the parameters of measuring a good performance seems to be spreading out at an exponential rate. Previously, if was good work ethics and good skill set. These days, one has to be good swimmer even with just one leg in the pool. All the currency that comes out in the ATMs are the result of constant revisiting of our survival strategy, attitude remapping and people adjustment skills . This is as much euphemistic as I can put it. Read on, as I clear the intellectual pond which is muddled with reason and emotion. 

Following are the reasons which triggers a person in contemplating a change of job. 

1.  Person X_Y_Z is paid more - Why not me ?

Yes , it is true that some people get rewarded well in front of you , some don't , but to cut to the chase - It is Not our biggest concern. The Finance & Management representatives do not give away money like reality shows,you know like , "here you go 10 lakhs to you , 8 lakhs to you" . Much thought and carefully evaluated discussions go into deciding what we are paid before a final call is taken on this. Different people with different capacities and varying impact on the organization's progress need to be appropriately valued. Basically, you are rewarded for the consistent good quality of your work along with other intangible skills such as, how well your existence positively affects those around you and how much extra voluntary effort you put beyond expectations.

2. I am here just for the Work - No grooming of my talents

Imagine, if you throw a party in your house and someone begins to sing a religious song and they expect to be applauded - it doesn't match the context right ? We need someone who can Jazz it up and gets everyone groovy in their best spirits. Similarly , if your reason to change your job is because you feel your "special talents" outside primary work skills is not recognized , think twice. Don't change your Job just because you feel they don't appreciate your personal gifts . We were recruited and paid in our capacity to put out work that benefits the firm. End of story. Nurturing our personal talents is not the responsibility of the company or the people there. Finding the time and energy to do that is by itself a skill and we just can't simply pin it on "Employee Satisfaction" and look for a job elsewhere because our secondary talents are not coming out in the light.

3. Money Money Money

Money is one factor that sometimes pulls the life support out of our 'reasoning out' system .Sometimes, we get saturated with the thought of earning more  and we don't bother to pause and assess the other facets that also matter. If earning more is the only goal, do your due diligence, as to why someone is offering a high package, whether they will continue to give good hikes , whether there is good growth in terms of learning and people culture . Validate it to understand that it is not just an attempt to attract vulnerable people who fall for a attractive entry ticket. In the long run, don't regret it in Hindsight.

4. Feeling Under utilized ?

If your reason to change is that you are not challenged enough or you are tired of monotony , if you genuinely feel your full potential is not being harnessed properly , don't quit without letting them know about this. Communicate to your stakeholders and understand if there are/were chances to utilize yourself in better ways . The onus is also on us , for , if we don't express ourselves to the stakeholders, how do we expect them to understand you and satiate your hunger ? Have these conversations and if still at the end of the day you feel it is not your place, Move on.

5. Big Company = Big Life - Say What ?

If your reason is that you want to improve your profile, by "jumping" to an organization that has a very good reputation and is financially sound , three words for you - ARE YOU SURE ?. The question is , do you really need it? Are you seriously thinking that being part of a Big brand is going to make you look grand ? The answer is partly yes and partly no. It ultimately comes down to what you make of it. Please don't fall for the "Brand name" simply like kids behind ice cream vehicles. Be conscious enough to understand what the brand can do for you,what you can do with your association with the brand . If you have a clear vision & plan for making this jump to a Bigger Brand. make sure you land on your feet !

6. Let's see what happens anyway !

If your reason is simply that you need to change because others do , because it is the "expected move" , or because you want to give a jerk to your current Employer to realize you were also there - Go back to work pal. Just don't follow the crowd simply because this so called "strategy" is popular - don't Give-In psychologically. Please revisit your commitments, your interests, your gains & losses, experience wise, monetary wise, people wise , loyalty wise. It is a big decision and don't fool yourself into thinking you are doing something right by repeatedly saying to yourself - "you just need to do it". With no empirical research and purely for the feel of it if you are doing this - stop this line of thought and don't gamble away your career.

Still Call it quits ? - Remember this !

1. Overall Development 

It is not always about the number that you see in your cellphones at the end of every month. Your salary doesn't just define how successful you are . Real success, is when you see yourself growing as a professional and maturing as a person , in terms of your Emotional and Intelligence quotient , real Success is when people look at you with gratitude and pride in something that you have done to them or involving them , or perhaps representing them. Embark on a journey where you are willing to make mistakes , get hurt , learn , teach , avoid getting hurt and help others to not make mistakes - reaching a full circle , where money is just a score to see if " you are still in the game" .

2. The Art of communication

All this being said, if you feel quitting is the way to go , just remember to be a professional when you communicate this decision . Don't burn bridges along the way just because you are moving on. Every person who you meet along the way counts as this Industry has many revolving doors and chances are , that you bump into the same people unexpectedly .Don't act all pompous because something Good happened to you. Be a Pro , explain yourself out, if they are being Good and they Understand your decision, fair enough. Good job , you have communicated well. If they are sending "Signals" . Then at least from your end , please conduct yourself well.

 "What we are is shown by the words we do and do not speak."  

I am wishing you Good Luck and I hope you have gained some insight after reading this .

 Be wise . 

Job change - Are you now sure ?

Life - What's The Point Anyway ?

This life is an enigmatic journey.

These days , "What's the point anyway" is one question that runs a lot in my mind in various contexts. To tell you an instance, I sometimes take a digital detox , away from all social media and all virtual messaging apps in an effort to assess my temperament and self control. During this time, I still continue to do my regular routine works , not much changes. That's when I realized , nothing much changes indeed. All the people who I was supposedly in touch online didn't miss a thing . They didn't miss me. I realized, they are not to be blamed as almost all of us type out smileys with a straight glum face .All we think about is about our side of things . I had been fooling myself into thinking my existence mattered, when in hindsight, it appears, it was all just an illusion. People just responded to my physical existence, but when life takes us away , when the last breath goes off, are we ever aware what happens ?  Is everything a joke , the way we are living our life. Do our desires , goals and choices even matter ? 

What's the point anyway ?

As you read on , you will be in silent agreement with me as I take you through the many instances of how life cheats us,tempts us in misplacing our priorities and  making us believe something matters the most, when in reality it's contextual and is so temporary and so pointless in the sands of time . 

Stage one : How we evolve through age 

As kids, we get showered with advise , words of wisdom and manners and ethics and what not. All this sculpting is done by our parents, siblings, relatives, teachers and the members of society. Don't tell lies. Don't hurt anyone through words or physically. Don't steal. But as we grow into our teens, the kid's perspective of things get mapped into something that is drastically different. Our wants change, our likes , dislikes get refined, our goals get remapped and we try to get things in control , as opposed to how we simply reacted to situations when we were a kid. The  ropes of moral values and ethics that once strictly bound us into a code of conduct slowly get untied, one string at a time. We reason out when we do something wrong, we tend to accept others wrongdoings, simply because we are aware of our own misgivings. We grow acceptable to misdeeds instead of trying to stick on to our values. Like copying in assignments, trying forbidden things like smoking, drinking, pornography, foul language etc. Where did all the wisdom that made so much sense as a kid go, why did it get compromised. What's the point anyway, when values are not permanent as life grows on us ?

Stage two : How the ocean overpowers the bubble 

Life has us believing that we should be in control when we are simply dabbling with decisions in hasty desperation. Our choices in people, largely affect us , our very core beliefs and interpretations. We change our thinking style, our preferences, our personal choices to be part of the larger crowd. We observe and we behave accordingly. We try to become a part of the society. Somewhere the deviation from the natural course of things creep in and in no time, the society gets afflicted with it. In an effort to coexist with our fellow beings, we do things with the expectation it will be well received. Well not always.Not always, do our thoughts, intentions and gestures get well rewarded, or perhaps even be acknowledged. We get disappointed as we end up start making wrong choices in people and mess up our own ethics system. Just to be the person everyone expects us to be. We lose our own existence as we dance to the invisible demands of life's wily tricks.Few retain their natural DNA of things ,their values, choices, beliefs.  But these people get tagged as social misfits who come off as stubborn and more of a rebel when they fail to read situations . And fewer people know the trick of when to alter their DNA, when to retain it. These are the ones that succeed in life in growing into happy , mentally balanced , healthy beings. What's the point anyway, to live with everyone when no one has any clue how to be themselves around everyone?

Stage Three : Delayed Realizations 

As we grow, we realize the larger perspective of things. We understand that pain and pleasure is so fleeting, so temporary. Our physical attributes come with their own deadlines. People with excellent lifestyle ,with no bad habits die at unexpected times, just like a drunkard or a person with many bad choices die. We realize that , come what may , life has us playing our roles as identified by that context of time and nothing is permanent. The loss of a dear one, doesn't hurt as all through life , though for a moment it rocks us from within. The pain is not constant as we go through the regular life but the effects may linger. But we don't continuously remain sad. Similarly, no person can remain continuously happy all the time. We are such complicated creatures. Our systems get activated and deactivated at its own rate and time.Nothing is permanent. The choices we make, our emotions, attachments, the people in life everything that dominated our wants no longer will matter. What's the point anyway , in having run behind things when you know they are going to be destroyed and become unusable at some point, what's the point in having run behind people when someday they are going to cocoon out of their human bodies, what's the point in having made all the money , what's the point in all the hatred and the fame, what's the point in doing anything . What's the point in living life anyway ? 

The point is..

Instead of becoming weak and debilitated as we ripen with age to realize how pointless all the objects of our attachments and temptations are ,  we can try to be more conscious of Life before we let it fool us . Let's  rewire ourselves. Look back about your journey thus far. However old or young you are, don't forget that all this will just vanish at some point. Understand that there is no point in harboring that hatred/regret/disappointment towards something or someone ,as it will continue to exist even after your last moment has come and fresh set of people will replace your opinions. No joy or bliss also exists permanently. Just enjoy this moment. But don't believe it. Don't dwell in it. Things pass by, people pass by and eventually we will too. Life is destined to be active as per it's own clock and let's make this time as eventful , useful , real and worthy as much we can. 

Live life when you are alive...you now know why ...

Want a Break From Life - Travel. Read Why ?

Have you ever found yourself tell someone , "uff , I need a break from everything. I can't function like this. I want to just go somewhere. Just me , for sometime , in a place by myself until I can see things clearly ..." . Well , the moment these words come out of your system , it's best for you to act on it without any delay. Your mind has literally screamed for help and the one thing you can do for yourself is to keep yourself in a happy place you rightfully deserve to be . 

The invisible Headache - Ouch Indeed !

The weight of having lived through your daily routine life , with little time to pause and enjoy things your way , gets accumulated over time and at one point time you feel you literally have a ton of cotton on your shoulders. This is worse than migraine and other headache anomalies. Why ? Because, you have medicines & drugs to silence your headaches but , a weight caused my running on full steam , trying to stay alive, focused , positive and balanced is not visible to the eye or not something you can cure through medicines. But , life never lets us helpless like that. You mind , your words , your actions will have you think about the ways by which you can make yourself happy and stay more composed even as you go through this mental wrestling.  Our human brains are so intelligently wired to the heart , in such a way , as the heart suffers , the brain reads your pain and points you towards the solution that removes your agony. You have the capacity to heal yourself and this statement , how oft repeated never becomes cliched. There is a solution to this silent mental trauma .      Travel.        Read on.

My OOTY Trip

I recently had a chance to visit Ooty , a hill station  in Tamilnadu on a planned official leisure trip. Believe me , travelling to a new place is one of the best ways you help yourself lose that invisible pressure you carry on you. The weather of the place , the sights that greeted my eyes , the sheer delight of being on a vacation and the experience of pampering myself to the comfort and luxury of a mountain Resort , all this joined hands to form a shield of joy so strong that I forgot the hustle I was going through. I got to meet new people, have conversations, buy local products, take pictures , eat delicious food , take bath in plush bathrooms - let me stop right here. 

Can you believe , a good shower in a well constructed ultra comfortable bathroom gives you a joy that is so heavenly and refreshing to our system .These posh resorts , with their complimentary costly soaps , bath oils , lotions and well engineered showers and cozy western toilet basins, not to forget the ability to listen to music give you an experience that makes you forget time until someone knocks on the door reminding you to step out of the shower. I sheepishly stepped out multiple times in the trip and have sought promise from my friends to not talk about this.

Anyway. The different colored flowers , the steep roads , the cool air that still wore the sun's warmth gracefully made local rides to popular spots equally enjoyable. I was internally happy. A point to note here is that, I still saw people who were going through their own sufferings in a different place. There were homeless people, diseased ones,nomads,beggars and paupers. And many well dressed people on the outside who were sweating tons on the inside. The message here is, its like the universe brought me to a different place, to see I am not alone and that I am just one of the passengers in life who will have to go through the impartial journey of Life through it's thick and thin. I healed . I forgot the taste of my pressures before the trip and I am now a lot lighter and more in mental equilibrium.

Now , Help Yourself . No one else will . 

Sometimes daily life tests our endurance so much that we start accepting pain and we think we have become immune to it. We would have become numb to sufferings , forgetting the fact that we have another door to knock and walk in. Travel. Travelling to a new place , makes you lose focus on your boiling day to day speed breakers and re-orients you towards a better mental state. If you need someone, ask them out without being abashed, If you want a solo trip , Take one. Save some cash or take a loan , depending on the urge to travel and escape into the breezy reality of this God's green earth. Sometimes , some of us might be in a position where we can't just take off . We might have to secure approval from our dear ones, or perhaps we have someone to take care off , who are physically dependent on us . So much energy goes into planning a trip to make yourself happy when we have such challenges. Yes , it's tough but don't give into your obstacles. Convince your people, reason them out , if need be, blackmail them into believing you might consider psychiatric treatment if you don't take this trip. Have someone come over to take care of that person who needs you by your side.

But , once you have paved your way, book your freaking tickets, pack your bags,plan a decent itenary but don't be too obsessed about sticking to plan. It's more fun when it's impromptu.

Go disappear. Going to a different place , will soften your hard wrestled nerves, you can have the opportunity to cry it all out , de-steam , lose that mental baggage , be a human for sometime , give your emotions some meaning and life, be in touch with your wants. You only lose control when you don't take control. You are not stuck . You have choices. All that matters is that you decide . You will be surprised how quickly the universe moves once you have decided.

Cover the Earth before it covers you.......