A Woman's War From The Balcony Of A Man

The third whistle of the cooker went off , as the smell of steamed potato drew her 3yr old son into the kitchen who gave her a squeeze of love good enough to make her forget if she added salt in the sambar or not . It's moments like these , when so many women in the country lose control of their own dreams and give in to the unconquerable , insatiable demands of parental love. A few blocks from here , a bird on the fly gets a fierce eye contact from a lady by the window , who was wiping the sweat of her eyebrows after serving all the in-laws of her newly married husband. The sight of her eyes was so fierce , that the bird had a mild mid air jump like it hit a hanging speed breaker. It made an effort to fly closer to the window to understand more why this woman was giving it the stares even as the woman was desperately hoping her life had taken flight had she not settled down . Welcome to the Modern Day Woman's War of Family vs Career. 

Truth be told , no one would want to be welcomed here , as the war is constantly stoked by family expectations on a helpless , once upon a time focused woman. The dreamy idea of getting married to a well settled man , good by the looks and good by the wallet , affects most women . The exact moment when she loses her balance and gives in to the inside desires of starting a family somewhere seeps in , much to the dismay of the unsuspecting princess. Unfortunately , the emotional darts she gets, when a 3 yr old son looks at you with eyes full of unadulterated love or the feeling of having served the elders in the husband's family will never put her in the direction she wanted to steer her life . Things happened in such pace she didn't realize she just set a domino of disappointments in motion when she decided to sacrifice her own ambitions in the wake of proving that she is the ideal Indian woman. 

As a man, it's moments like these when I realize , being me has its privileges, which no woman will have unless she does something that hurts a lot of people and almost destroys her own nest. The luxury of taking career related decisions in terms of working hours, travel opportunities and elevated roles and responsibilities still is invisibly and dubiously linked with a woman's personal family status and the gentlemen have fewer check boxes to validate. It's apples and oranges since we can't weigh the responsibilities of a man and woman as its too contextual . But , after seeing the case of a few women who I have got to know personally,my eyes did see a void this department. 

Be it the case of a 27 year old woman who combats the demands of raising her own child who can't be trusted with the people who share her house, as they might hold a passive animosity in her if she took a personal career decision , or the case of a manager who has to quit a happening career because her mother in law wants her by her side and she wants her daughter-in-law to be a mother-in-law herself as her daughters grew up , the pressure a woman goes through when it comes to the waves of family and career crashing on her is extreme . Sometimes, it goes to such an extent that the idea of a family loses its real meaning as she stares at her career fading away right in front of her eyes even though she is fully capable and has the grit and gravel to rise to the top rungs of the ladder. 

I get to see this as I am driving in the other lane , being a man , with different set of speed breakers and red stops  . But there are many times , I have hoped a female driver stays on course with me and gives me a run for the money but so many have to take diversions and park themselves for no reason of theirs . I am writing to all of you out there , who have parked your glorious career , or those of you who are staring out the window or those of you who are losing their ambitious drives due to the love of their kids - we men need you around . Every Industry needs a proper gender balance and every one of you deserve a chance in this ride . You just can't sign off so soon , however compelling the situation is. I am entreating you , ride along. Do something that makes you come alive . Being a mother , a young newly married lady or a matured woman with daughters should not make you pause or stop the music of your career. Do anything that still makes you relevant .  

Don't take care of your loved ones so much that at sometimes you ask yourself "Is this all worth" . Rather, switch between your priorities and nurture your own soul's calling even as you become the web of the family. You deserve a chance , just like we all do.

Written by a self respecting man who respects women.